It’s Not My Fault, By Via Getty

One year later, the legendary lectern thief from the Capitol riots (dubbed “Via Getty” by Twitter) breaks his silence.

Alice C. Minium

--

via getty stealing lectern from capitol building
Via Getty/Via Getty

Hello, my name is Via Getty. Or that is what you call me now. I am fine with it. I like attention. I love attention. Literally any at all.

I just wanted to let you know it’s more complicated than it seems. Please don’t judge me by that one photo. I was having a great time, but it’s not what it looks like. It’s a far more complicated story.

Please listen to me. I need to be heard. My name is Via Getty. Listen to my words.

Once upon a time — actually, forget that, too long of a story, and I’m already on trial for sedition. (Did I attempt to incite an insurrection? Yes. Overthrow the United States government? Yes. Literally, attempt to overthrow representative democracy and institute a feral mob as Robespierre-esque government instead alongside a Nazi militia? Honestly, yes.)

But leave me alone. I was just having a good time. It wasn’t about parkour with me, white supremacy, or sedition. I am absolutely innocent. The road to a petty misdemeanor (for attempting civil war the reboot as incited by the Zodiac Killer) is paved with good intentions.

“I would totally storm the Capitol again.”

You know that slogan, “What would you do for a Kit-Kat bar?” Imagine that, but, what would you do for a selfie. And what I would do is storm the United States Capitol.

My name is now Via Getty. My court date is June 16, 2021. And let’s be real, it’s not like I’m going to face consequences. But there is a lot — listen to my voice— that you do not understand. I don’t tell everyone. But I will tell you.

My name is Via Getty, I was like,”Hey, please take my picture while I am doing crime”. I definitely attempted to start a civil war and loot the United States Capitol- most notably, the lectern belonging to

--

--

Alice C. Minium

Richmond-based writer, investigative researcher, and police abolitionist. Contact me at alice@openoversightva.org.