The Best of Twitter’s Second Civil War Letters

Bury My Heart at Kaepernicknee

Alex Jones announced that liberals are planning a Second Civil War. Twitter heard him.

An image of America’s despotic leader prior to the nuclear devastation of his 2039 term as president, and before his later indictment by the UN Human Rights Council and exile to a remote island in the middle of the Pacific, colorized

The only thing left after the Battle of Bowling Green and the first defeat of the Red Hats, colorized.

The year is 2018. We live in a world we could never have imagined was possible. Our president attacks minorities, the free press, and occasionally tries to incite nuclear war from his Twitter account.

This month has been particularly egregious. So, Alex Jones, cashing in on times of trauma and discord as he always does, delivered this clarion call: the Liberal Democrats are planning to launch a Second Civil War on the 4th of July.

“Liberal Democrats are planning to launch Civil War on July 4th. Breaking news.”

-Alex Jones, blessed prophet and totally respectable human being

Twitter heard him.

We have been lucky enough to be privy to the heart-wrenching correspondence #lettersfromthesecondcivilwar shared by our brave comrades on Twitter.

We are ready at arms, comrades. Many have already gone to battle. Behold these letters from our brave soldiers on the front lines, and the difficult plight they have faced.

Like the rare apostle of extraordinary taste and benevolent vigilante of loyal curation I am, I have scoured endless pages of these tweets, suffering much heartache at the plight of these brave few, so that I may deliver unto you those most rarest gems of the internet, because I’ve never let you down.

Here are the best of Twitter’s #SecondCivilWarLetters.

Stay strong, soldiers. War is hell.

Read More from Alice:

Fire and Fury: A Damning Portrait of our Accidental President

College Doesn’t Make You A Better Person

A Day in the Life Of Your Uber Driver