A Letter from the Coronavirus Inside Donald Trump
You guys have no idea what I’m going through right now: I am the molecule of COVID-19 that bravely chose to infect the president.
I got in a lot of trouble for this, you guys. It was a big risk. Everybody told me I shouldn’t do it. Hell, even I knew I shouldn’t do it.
When it comes to the battle of Coronaviri and our plight for world domination, taking out Donald Trump has absolutely no strategic benefit. The man helps us, a major ally. He even hosts superspreader events, forces you to go back to work at grungy 7–11s where we camp out all day, and frees us from the barrier of our enemy’s most successful tool, the mask.
Donald Trump has aided and abetted our domination campaign, and we literally owe him so much. We wouldn’t be where we are without him, 215,000 hosts and going strong, no signs of our spread slowing down.
A shockingly large quantity of this success is a direct result of Donald Trump.
But I saw the debate the other night, and I seriously cannot stand this fucking guy one second more.
